Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I'm Lost...

Life is full of choices.

Unfortunately, I suck at making choices.
If you read my posts, you know that I am extremely indecisive.
This is because, I fear the consequences.
I believe..
  good choices lead to good consequences and bad choices lead to bad consequences.

I am so bloody scared of making the wrong choice.

Lately, I have been struggling over a very important decision.
Deciding the plans for my future.

When it comes to planning my future, particularly deciding my career, a few factors run through my mind...

Living in an Asian household, it is extremely important to be an honor to one's family. 
I want to make my family proud. 
Of course, like most [Asian] parents, my parents would love me to become a doctor or lawyer..
My parents struggled so much to give me these opportunities.
Though I know my parents will love & support me no matter what decision I make,
I feel that if I don't accomplish their wishes, I am letting them down.

Isn't this the reason why most of us work?
Money is vital.
How else am I gonna support my materialistic needs? :D
Furthermore, I want to give back to my parents.
I know I can never fully repay the money & efforts my parent's have invested in me, but my biggest wish is to buy my parents their dream home & pay for my little brother's school tuition.
Also, I am extremely independent.
I want to make my own money and  not need to depend on others. 
[But, billionaire boyfriends are still gladly accepted]

The majority of a working person's day is spent in the work space or thinking about work.
If I am not happy with my job, how can I be happy with my life?
I want to be interested in my work.
I want to wake up, and look forward to attending my job.
I want to live happy and excited.

Currently, I am attending University.
However, I have no clear direction of where I'm headed.
I feel like I'm wasting money and time.
The 3 factors keep clashing and conflicting in my head. 


Tell me,
When it comes to deciding your future, 
what is most important to you?

Jessica Mai.


tessatham said...

Hey Jess!

I could totally relate to your post. For the longest time, I wanted to get into commerce @ UBC. Now not many people know this, because till this day, they still think the reason as to why I chose fashion over that, is because fashion is the easy way out. I've had to deal with numerous stares and comments from my relatives about it. Your parents will def love and support you no matter what, which is what I have learned, despite choosing a path that wasn't what they were too keen on. Even though you're unclear as to what you want to do at the moment, you'll find that soon enough. I have alot of friends who have graduated from university, and have no idea what they wanted to do. Took them working in different industries to find out what they truly loved. And some..are in completely different industries, as opposed to what they had taken in uni. As for me.. the most important factors, would have to be happiness and family. I hope I'm not being selfish by saying that I put my happiness first, but that's what my parents have taught me. That with whatever I do, make sure I'm happy. After all, it is your life, and you want the best for you as well. Independence, I feel is key.. but everyone's saying I shouldn't be toooo independent as it's not a good thing :/ Oh wells, guess we'll see how that goes haha. With everything being said, what I always believe is to do what you love, and the rest (of the 3) will fall in place in time. Money, I get is quite a factor (Esp for us girls...and our materialistic needs. Totally know how you feel haha.) But I'm sure whatever path you end up choosing, God will always provide for you :) xx

P.S Sorry it's hella long! haha

Irene said...

I know how you feel...I struggled with this a ton in undergrad as well. I can see how many important factors/influences you have in your life make things more complicated, but it is so true, especially with asian families!

It really is difficult. I had to compromise a bit...I went with something I was somewhat good at but didn't have a PASSION for it...which is OK. I have spare time to pursue my passions and I now have the money too! It's all about balance.

Good luck w/ your decision hun!

For The Fierce said...

I agree 150% with this post. Planning for the future can be scary, not only do you have to worry about yourself - but you have to be aware that the decisions you make can affect your loved ones too.

As for work, I couldn't agree more! Now, I love money, I mean... I really love money, I spend like no 2morrow! I invest in ridiculous amounts of crap, all fashion & beauty related, but if I were to get paid alooooot of fucking money but be extremely depressed in a job, I would not do it. I'd rather get paid average & do something I love. I believe in working for me, to be happy, to love my job & put 100% into it! -not just 'cause "I have to", & hey atleast you care about your future. I know people that just don't care... live for the moment TOO MUCH, & take shit for granted. Were BOTH on the right track =]


tessatham said...

boo jess did my comment not go through? :/

Kym said...

when it comes to decisions about my future, whats important to me are those factors that you've already mentioned! 1) Family - will this make them proud? 2) Money - will this pay the bills? 3) Happiness - will i be happy? Bottom line for me is - life is too short... if you're going to be stuck in a 9-5, you better make sure yo love that job! There is nothing worse than dreading waking up in the morning knowing you have to go to a job you despise. Sometimes taking less pay for a job that makes you happy is worth it. Don't worry, direction will come... at least you're thinking about it already, half the job is already finished ;P

Amy said...

HAPPINESS is the answer to life's question. Do what makes YOU happy, what makes you fulfilled, what makes you excited to get up at 7 am in the morning to get ready for the day.

if you are happy doing what you love (work or school wise, such as doing what you want or studying what you like), money will come...and then you can help your family. you will be successful at something you love...always :)

xbbkay said...

hi Jess!

everytime i read your blog, i love how it's so relatable.

& this is definitely something i completely understand.

Sometimes i feel like, i don't know what i want to do with my life. Sadly, i'm also compelled to the standards of my parents. Which makes things even worse.

I"m not sure where i'm heading, but who does? Today, people are always looking to visualize their future, but yet they never realize that there is only so much they can plan, see and know. I tell myself, stop trying to get ahead of yourself, and just let it take you for the time being. Do what you want to do, take the courses that you like, and you'll eventually find where you want to end up. When you realize that you hate something, at least that's a career you can elminate. LOL. The money that you may be wasting, is not complete waste. Think of it as an investment to finding your future.

Don't stress too much babe. Sometimes you just can't satisfy everyone.

If you makes you feel better, i bet many people are also in the same shoe.

Carrie said...

Future is just a bet. You may feel hesitated for every decision that you going to make because a decision may change your life forever.

Relax and just do what you feel is right!

Misu said...

Deciding what you want to do with your life is a tough decision and those three factors are definitely important. I'm glad to hear that your family are accepting and will support you in what you decide. :) What has helped me with my decision in uni is the realization that major is not as important as the attitude you have towards learning. I went into commerce and music with the thought that one was for the money and the other was for my happiness. To this day, I don't regret. I know a lot of people who have sacrificed their happiness for money but end up being unsatisfied and regret the decision they make. So I agree with some of the other people who have commented. Find the balance. And make sure you get involved! :) Networking is everything hehe.


priincess said...

just go with your heart! what you WANT to do! : )

Anonymous said...

Hey girl, I know exactly how you feel. I'm in the same spot as you in deciding. :( I'm graduating next spring and I have no idea what I'm going to do afterwards. I have a few choices, but the factors in my decision (my abilities, need for a good pay and satisfaction with my choice of work) keeps making me stop, take a step back and look at all my choices again and again. :( It's definitely tough having to make a choice as huge as this, but you know what, all you can do is try. First and foremost, I think a person's satisfaction should come before anything else. Because if you enjoy your career, you'll put more effort into advancing to a higher position, etc. My Asian parents are actually not as strict and expectant as others so I don't have to think about that as much, but it's still something that bugs me. :S

Good luck girl! We're all here for you. :)

Logan said...

Hi darling! I got back to reality today from spring break, and trust me I understand how you feel. I am a little older than you and still feel lost sometime. We should talk about it, I have a little experience on the subject (graduating college and going to art school instead of med school etc). If you ever need to talk email or IM me. All the best sweetie! xoxo

Boutzie' said...

Don't be afraid to make choices, just choose the right ones. We as people cannot be afraid of anything. See when we are afraid of doing something we miss out on life. Don't be afraid of the consequences. [excuse me if I spelled it wrong], but do what ever makes you feel happy. God wants you to live life, so Ms. Mai, live it, and screw the consequences. ^_^


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